Giving up comfort

Different people sometimes have very different views and opinions about life. What life is about, what life is for, what you should do with your life. I was talking about this with a friend of mine while walking to dinner recently. His view of life is one that is held and even embraced by what I would consider to be a large majority of humans around the world, and yet his views were so different from mine. Even so, and quite unexpectedly, by having that conversation, I was able to learn a lot about myself and how I view life as a Christian. Never again will I belittle the significance of the act of initiating small talk on the way to dinner.

The conversation started normally enough, for a ragtag bunch of college students walking to dinner. We were talking about college life and what we were going to study that night and whatnot, and someone mentioned that college life was dull, with no excitement, and that college was just about studying all the time. The others seemed to agree, but I was astounded. INTI College, as a whole, seemed like quite a cheerful college to study in, to me. You know, friendly lecturers, cool classmates, interesting syllabi, and a couple of ping pong tables too. How could they possibly find college life dull? I asked one of them what he thought was an exciting life. He answered, half in jest, that an exciting life was about playing video games and killing virtual terrorists. Everyone laughed, because he was joking, after all. I used to be a video game junkie myself, so I understand where this is coming from. But jokes are often used as a cover for when you don't know what to really answer. So I pursued this train of thought.

I asked my friend a question: Which would you choose, a life of comfort where you don't have to work and everything just comes to you, or a life where you have to work? He answered that he would choose the life of comfort. For some reason, I just couldn't accept that. I have since realised, of course, that part of human nature just wants its comfort and doesn't want to get out there into the dangerous working world. But it didn't seem right to me. I didn't say anymore on the subject, but I had been given enough to think about that I was quite silent for the rest of the walk.

We didn't actually argue over any of this, but it gave me a lot to think about, and I argued it out within the confines of my own head for quite a while. Eventually I realised that I had been quite unfair in judging my friend in that way. There wasn't any actual conflict between us, but in my head there was, and I wanted to resolve it. I managed to do so by explaining to him the next day (also on the way to dinner) that because of my Christian lifestyle, I have a different worldview, and willingly give up my comfort for the sake of glorifying God.

Some of you may be Christians reading this, and you may disagree that being a Christian entails discomfort. Maybe you've learned the Prosperity Gospel. Maybe you're a young or new Christian, and have never thought about going out of the way of your comfort zone for Jesus. Now, I'm only 18, and far be it from me to try to act all holier-than-thou and give myself cred and fab by pulling out Bible verses. But I do have a few verses that at the very least support the idea that we are to risk our comfort for Jesus. For instance,

Luke 9:23: Then [Jesus] said to them all: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." (NIV)

Based on my understanding, taking up one's cross gives the idea of going through difficulty, and willingly. For Jesus, taking up His cross meant dying by crucifixion on the cross He carried Himself, and so He died for our sins that we might live. Willingly.

Another possible Bible passage for this argument, possibly less in magnitude but still applicable, is Luke 18:18-23. The rich young ruler and Jesus. A young and rich Jewish leader asked Jesus how to inherit eternal life. He had kept all the commandments in the Pentateuch since he was small. Jesus said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." Jesus was asking a lot from this young man. He couldn't do it. He went away sad, for he was very rich. It wasn't enough for Jesus that the young ruler was a law-abiding Jew who kept all the commandments. Jesus wanted him to go out of his way and love those who were less fortunate than him; and in so doing, ultimately give up his riches, his security, his comfort.

Now, I'm not saying that all discomfort is right. Discomfort caused by unjust political oppression is not to be taken lightly. Nor are we to deprive ourselves for the empty purpose of lessening some emotional pain, in place of actually trying to resolve it. In the two passages I mentioned above, Jesus is talking about a very special act of giving up one's comfort. It is an act where we give up our personal comfort for the benefit of people other than ourselves, no matter how much it may inconvenience us. There is a very special word for giving up comfort in this way. It's called "sacrifice".

Now that the magic word has been introduced, hopefully the idea of giving up comfort no longer seems so unattractive to some of you. "Sacrifice". It's a word that we've heard many times, especially in context of what our parents have done for us, what friends are to do for us, and ultimately what Jesus has done for all of humankind. For each of us, our parents, whether biological or not, have sacrificed a lot of time, energy and comfort in working to sustain the family, giving us an education and bringing us up lovingly. Friends, especially those who are sincere and true, give up a lot for each other all the time, going the extra mile for one another.

On a much larger scope, Jesus allowed Himself to be led up the hill where he was murdered on the cross, so that the sins of all people on earth might be forgiven. We call that the ultimate sacrifice. Jesus sacrificed his own life, so that we may have eternal life in heaven. This principle of sacrifice is not an easy one to live out, but it's one that I try hard to do everyday. I try my hardest to help out my friends, and not just when it's convenient for me, but even when it requires some sacrifice. I am still not able to sacrifice my comfort for my friends all the time, and sometimes I'm selfish. But I will try, all the time, not to make myself the most important person in my life. Everyone else becomes more important than myself. Life feels better that way. How I feel is, when you live to please yourself, you're working for someone who will never be satisfied. But when you live to help those whom you love, you're working for those who love you back, appreciate you, and give you significance.

I may be a bit "off-the-mark" on this next point. But I hope to some day be and have a family. I guess I make sacrifices for my future family, too. I study hard so that I will someday be able to be a good doctor, and sustain a family as well as help out patients who come to me when they're sick. This means that here in college, I don't fool around unnecessarily, and I have to give up video games and sometimes even sleep (although I don't advise losing sleep). I have a goal to reach, and I will sacrifice comfort today in order to reach it in the future. At the end of the day, I want to glorify God in my life, and I can do so through my job and my family. But I won't be able to get there without some sacrifice.

At the end of the day, humans are selfish and desire comfort for themselves. I am no exception, and no one is an exception, really. Because I'm human, all I can do is try always to be less selfish and more outward-looking, but if I'm not careful, that selfish little imp inside me will jump back out again and start trampling all over my life. Martin Luther, the father of the Protestant church, once said that sin is the self bending in on the self. It's a vicious cycle, fuelling a painful flame that is always hungry. But when we become less important in our eyes, and everyone else becomes more important, the cycle breaks. I truly think that life is better like that. Perhaps you disbelieve me? Why not give it a try, for a day, a week, or a month? You may be surprised by what you experience, putting others above yourself, and giving up comfort for their benefit.

How in the world did I get here?

I can't remember what caused it exactly, but a few weeks ago I was just messing around in the hostel at Penang, and I thought to myself, "I'm really not creative." I don't know what caused it, I just happened to think that thought to myself and continued on from there. I'm like that sometimes.

This blog, my blog, has been up for almost two years now. That's almost two years of boring people to death with my aimless and random blog posts. During these almost-two-years, I have also changed a lot. Nowadays I look back at things that I did when I was in Form 4 two years ago and I think to myself, "Now why in the world did I think doing that would be a good idea?"

And then I look at my blog, and I start thinking to myself.

Why in the world did I think starting a blog would be a good idea?

Now, I want to say this: Whenever I look back on my past mistakes and bad decisions, I do so with a light heart. What's done is done, regretting over all my little mistakes isn't going to make anything better, but by thinking back about all those little mistakes, I learn about myself, from myself, through myself. Wow, "chim". That's Chinese for "deep". But anyway, I'm not upset about all those decisions I made in the past. I am actually quite glad that I've had all these past experiences which have made me into who I am today, and from which I can learn much. I look upon my past with a kind of smirk. You know how sometimes people say, "Someday when we're older we'll look back on it, and we'll have a really great laugh"? That's the position I find myself in now. I did some silly childish things, and today they make memories which I choose not to condemn.

Okay, that was all a bit too chim now. But I wonder to myself, why did I start my blog in the first place? Well, okay, I know the answer to that question well enough. I actually answered it in my first-year-anniversary-blog post. Well, yes, I was young and foolish and had no idea what I was doing. I would never try doing something so major for such a minor reason again. However, while that does answer the question of how my blog came into existence, another question still remains. What do I do with my blog now? I mean, look at all those professional bloggers. They can post chim stuff all the time without having to feel awkward about it. And they do so with style. Intro here, bring up the topic of concern, build up and argument, and then wham! knock everyone off their feet with a solid rebuttal, and finally, a conclusion that leaves everyone with a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Nah, I can't do anything like that. I'm a Science student, for goodness's sakes!

But how about all my creative writing? I have two theories as to how I was actually able to write good compositions in Secondary school. First possibility, when I was in Secondary school, I followed the theory of writing. The teachers taught us how to arrange our essays in such a way that it would form a well written composition, and because of that theory of writing, I was able to do reasonably well. I didn't actually have any writing talent, I was just taking in everything that the teachers taught us (for which I am forever grateful, and I would like to forward endless thanks to all of my teachers), and spewed it back out during the exam following the best traditions of secondary education.

The second possibility is that I'm tragically delusional, and all my writings especially the short stories are basically just pieces of cardboard with frosting on top. If you don't believe me, just try reading for yourself some of the short stories I posted on the blog. No, on second thought, don't. Some of them are such tragedies that I can't even look back on them with even a thought of a smile. Nope, not even the ones that are supposed to be funny.

Well, what did I expect when I created this blog? I'm a Science student. The few times when I do post blogs, I mostly make them for laughs, like junk food: Nice, but lacking any actual content at all, and proven to be bad for your health. Well, okay, I don't know about the last one, but your reading this from in front of a computer right? And computers emit radiation, so there.

I think the main reason why I'm writing all this is because I'm trying to bring myself to accept the fact that there's not much more I can do with this blog anymore. Yup, I had my high times and my low times, and I've been through a lot with this blog, and some posts have even raked in a pretty impressive page view count, in my opinion. But those days are long gone, and I've been trying to recreate my blog's success by trying to identify what made those few posts so widely-read and then repeating it in another post, but it doesn't work. Now some of you are sitting on the edge of your seat as you read this, thinking at me, "Hurry up and just say that your ending the blog, so that we can crack open the champagne and celebrate." Hah, not a chance. I'll be stuck with you guys for a while more, I think. I'll never officially put down the blog, because that would be like giving up and admitting defeat, something that I will never allow myself to do. But I am accepting that my blog isn't going to be much of a success here on out. Heck, what defines a successful blog anyway? For me, it's a few hundred followers and a thousand page views everyday, but does that actually mean anything? No, because I don't advertise on my blog, so I'm wouldn't get any money from all of that anyway. Kidding. But I might just swing by and annoy everyone with another cardboard blog post every now and again.

Until then, enjoy life and keep your heads up! I imagine for some of you that the world seems so much brighter after the end of my blog post. After, not during. Like, "I'm so glad it's finally over". Ha ha ha.

Oh, it's been a while since I did one of these quotes at the end of the post, but I think I'll bring one out today:

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your trust in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Saviour and my God." ~Psalm 42:5.

Yeah, that's nice.
  

Left 4 Dead 2: The power of Stringed Instruments

> MY COLLEGE HOSTEL ROOM IN PENANG, A FEW MONTHS AGO_

*watching my friends play Left 4 Dead 2*

Me: So this game is just about shooting zombies with guns?
Friend: Yeah, basically. *picks up new gun, shoots zombies*
Me: Aren't there any other weapons you can use, other than guns?
Friend: Um, look. Here's a guitar. *discards gun, picks up guitar*
Me: Oh.
Me (thinking to self): ("It's the power of music. He's going to strum the guitar and music notes are going to stream out the other end, killing zombies with the sheer power of music.")
Friend: *swings guitar, bashes a zombies head wide open*
Me:

Just dropping by...

Hey guys, I bet you're all kind of like wondering where I've been and all right? Well maybe not right. But I'm going to tell you where I've been whether you were wondering about it or not! So there.

I haven't been blogging for quite some time because I just recently entered into College last month. On the first day of April to be exact, and no, it wasn't an April Fool's joke. I'm in INTI College Penang taking the Cambridge A-levels course. The three sciences and mathematics. I don't exactly have what you would call a whole lot of free time these days, which is why I haven't been blogging much... and I probably won't be able to continue blogging regularly for a while too...

But Why am I here blogging this right now if I'm so busy, you may ask? Well, that's because I'm actually here on my assignment. Okay, well, not here on my assignment exactly. But you know, like, how you always log on to Facebook to discuss an assignment or homework with your friends over chat, but you end up scrolling through the newsfeed and reading your messages at the same time? Don't worry, I get it. That's pretty much what's happening here too. I was on blogger just a while ago working on an "assignment blog" for my Bio class. Yes, and assignment blog. For Bio. Our Bio teachers are really cool teachers. They were all like, "Okay, you guys are going to form groups of 5, and each of you choose a disease and make a blog about it. This will count towards your final marks." And I was all like, "Hey, I already got a blog and all, this will be a piece of cake!" So I got out my laptop, started on the blog, and, well, kind of strayed over here too in the process. But that's okay, because you guys are glad to see me again, right? Right?

Whatever. So, yeah, we only got the assignment yesterday and I've been working on it since - don't worry, not continuously... I didn't pull an all-nighter if that's what you're thinking - and right now, the assignment blog is 20% complete, approximately! We've settled on a design and layout for our blog, and we've gotten together and recorded an introductory video for all of us. Now we just have to fill it up with Bio stuff, and we're done!

So I was thinking, if you're curious to know what's got me so busy recently, or if you just want to see what our assignments are like in college, or if you want to find out what kind of people I'm working on this project with, or if you just want to hear my voice for the first time, then I'll just post the link to my assignment blog right here! yay

http://www.theintibioboys.blogspot.com/

We are The INTI Bio Boys, and we will be blogging about Lung Cancer. Do drop by if you want to, and perhaps I'll be blogging back here again once this is all over.

Well. That's it then. (General Elections 2013)

Now, I know what you're thinking as you read this. Day after general elections 2013, scrawny Malaysian teenager who's too young to vote wakes up in the morning opens up his laptop only to be met with outcries of corruption and dirty trickery in the elections. What else does he do but run to his little pet blog which no one cares about and unload a kilometre-long rant about I'm-going-to-leave-this-country this, and the-government-is-noob that, and democracy-is-dead whatever else. And its written in a way that makes the people who read it feel upset and angry and want to pick up pitchforks and torches and storm the istana.

No offense to anyone, but I don't think storming the istana is going to really solve anything. In fact, I'm going to approach this highly-sensitive topic with such an attitude of calmness and peacefulness that some of you are going to hate me for it. At first I was actually going to just keep silent about the issue, not say anything about it. It's such a difficult thing to comment about, I mean no matter what you write, there are going to be people who strongly and violently disagree and may never visit your blog again just because of what you said. But I figured, what was the original reason I made my blog? To have a place to write down my thoughts on everything going around me. Not to accumulate page views.

To be honest, I never really paid close attention to any of the elections before this. I knew that BN had been holding on to the federal government all this time, but that was about it. This time round, however, with all the cries of Ubah going around and all, I decided to be a bit more serious for this elections. Learning about Parliament and the text-book concept of democracy and all. And I thought to myself, well, democracy is about the people choosing the government, and anyone the people thinks is suitable stands a chance to win, right? Well then, if the opposition wins this time round, that would be great. But not because I'm particularly opposed to the government, nor because the opposition appears to me to be the country's only hope. I merely thought it would be great for the opposition to win because it would at least prove that the concept of democracy is alive and well. I mean, the whole concept of democracy is that "the people can choose to change the government". So if the government hasn't changed up to now, the country has only been democratic by name alone. What I really hoped for these elections was that the government would be able to embrace the concept of democracy. To not be sore losers. To be willing to let the opposition win.

Rather naïve of me, wasn't it?

I don't know why, but I really didn't care about Ubah and all that. I really didn't mind if Najib continued to be the Prime Minister. But wait, didn't I just say I hoped the opposition would win? Well, yes, I did. But not because I thought they were better than the government. When you get right down to it, no government is perfect. If PR had won, did you think that all the country's problems would be solved? Snap your finger and click you heels and poof, we have a perfect country, well done Anwar? Not likely. In my opinion, both the opposition and the government have as much cause and ability to bring about the development that everyone wants. Whether or not they actually choose to do so is another matter, but in the matter of fulfilling promises, I'm not sure that the opposition would have been any better at it than the government. There's just no way to be sure. The opposition would undoubtedly have had its faults as well. This general elections, I wasn't looking for the perfect government. I was looking for the one that had the people's support. Because that's what democracy is about.

I woke up this morning knowing little about what had happened last night. I went to bed after BN had won majority. But I turned on my Facebook and saw blackout this, and bangla-foreign-workers that, and a whole lot of rants and anger and black profile pictures and whatever else. Not a great way to start your day, let me tell you that. I wasn't upset because opposition had lost. I hope I've made my reasons there clear. I was upset because the government hadn't upheld the concept of democracy. The people are the ones who choose the next government. Why aren't we allowed to exercise even that simple right that we have as citizens of this country? I don't care about political parties, but I do love the country, and the country is democratic. Take democracy away from our country, and what do we have left?

But all hope is not lost. As I continued scrolling along my Facebook, I came across many prayers to God to save this country from corruption. There was also the encouraging reminder that God is always in control. Then there was also a petition for UN to investigate the corruption in the GE13 in Malaysia. Our current government may have put themselves in a tougher position that they can handle on this one. To all the people who remain hopeful during this dark time, and to those who have been helping the spread the news about the petition, I say, good job! You bring light to us during this nationwide blackout.

I don't think I'll be wearing black or putting tape over my mouth any time soon though. Don't get me wrong, I see that people are against this corruption, and they aren't afraid to show it, and I think that's a great thing. People should be bold enough to speak up and object to the failure of the government to protect the concept of democracy during this general elections. But the government really won't be bothered much by it. How often has the government, or any government in the world for that matter, looked at a group of protestors and thought to themselves, "Hey, maybe they're right and I'm wrong, and I should go apologise to them now?" Not very many, unfortunately. Hate to be pessimistic, but that's just how it is. However, protests like these are still great ways for people to collectively voice out and let the government know that hey, we have feelings too, so you better watch it if you want to stay another five years. Either way, if this UN petition works out, the government won't be able to bribe their way out of this one.

As a closing note, I wish to reiterate that all hope is not lost! Democracy may have been killed in these general elections, but as long as the country remains at least democratic by name, democracy will keep coming back to life every time we're given the chance to vote during elections. And if the accusations of corruption in these elections are successfully proven, then the country will have to have elections again, or something like that, right? And when the next elections come by, we know who to vote for. To those of you who are reading this who support (or supported) the government this elections, please do not be blind to what is going on in our country. BN may or may not be capable of developing the country, but consider whether or not they deserve to have the privilege if these allegations are true. To those of you who support PR, you're probably really angry and upset over what's been going on, and I understand. Everyone understands. The petitions and signatures have been going out, and the matter will undoubtedly be looked into before long. So just sit tight, remain hopeful, and please, please, please don't pick up your pitchforks or do any pillaging of nearby villages. We know you're upset, but that's no excuse to disrupt the peace. You could wear black and participate in the silent protest, but don't lose hope, and don't lose tempers.

Also, to those who have been putting pure-black profile pictures on Facebook, again, it's great that you dislike corruption. But don't you think that everyone's mood is already bad enough without your highly discouraging profile pictures like that? Does your black profile picture represent the complete and utter dark hopelessness that you feel in your heart now? Don't be so emo lah! I saw something that really encouraged me. Among all the Facebook newsfeed of people changing their profile pictures to black, there was one guy who decided that black profile pictures were too mainstream. His new profile picture has one important distinguishing feature next to all the others: his picture was that of a black background, but with a light bulb in the center, providing light where there would have otherwise been nothing but total darkness. Yet another friend of mine had a black profile picture which was actually a photo of a black night sky, and there was a shooting star in the middle of it. There is still hope, there is still light in the darkness, as long as we keep on fighting. Come on, then! Do something to lift the moods of your Facebook friends!

If you wanted to know about the UN petition, you can find it by clicking right here. There's also a petition to the White House (here), but it's already got twice the number of signatures it needs, and in just less than a day. Amazing. This is what 1Malaysia is truly about; not uniting to defend the government, but uniting to defend the country. (Not sure what good the Whitehouse one will do now though.)